Tuesday, September 14, 2010
This charming young cowboy with his mischievous smile and eyes is hanging in a collectors home here in Fountain Hills.
While I was painting this young man the presence of my father was with me and while working on the facial features I realized I was looking at my father's eyes and smile.
I felt my father's presence very strongly yesterday as I was digesting all that transpired during my tending to moma. What should have been a very easy chore and visit turned into a difficult confrontation with Alzheimer's. I thought I was speaking with moma...until the situation was out of bounds.
That's part of the strangeness of this disease...you see glimpses of your loved one and out of habit you speak to that glimpse...somewhat hesitantly, but still think you are carrying on a conversation with them until all of a sudden...the realization hits.
Once I returned to my home I crumpled while sitting in my favorite red leather chair in my studio. I felt my dad comforting me...he used to call me Missy and he was addressing me that way. My mother confuses me with my father at times...in my heart, or is it my trying to rationalize the
bickering that she pulls me into...anyway, she is coming from a point of love as she loved my father greatly, so her confusing me for him stems from her love for the both of us.
Anger, hurt, despair, helplessness...so many emotions at once...I can only imagine what is happening in her mind when this rotten disease takes control...
I pray for guidance in finding the correct, loving pathway so I don't bring hurt to moma and I am able to keep the anger and irrationalities of Alzheimer's out of our loving home...our spiritual sanctuary and place of refuge. Please pray for me and all the other families that are dealing with this horrible disease.
It's too late for my mother and many others...but please pray for a cure for Alzheimer's...the robber of souls, minds, memories and eventually the physical body.